thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
last night I used snow as a chaser
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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