I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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