i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
