I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
