Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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