This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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