She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
