She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize