his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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