Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
