Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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