Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
