Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
