I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just googled if crying burns calories
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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