Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize