What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
