3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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