just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
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