Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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