She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
