he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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