good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
