You're my little dorito
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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