I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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