[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
