I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
