why didn't you poke me back
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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