i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
