Where did you get a picture of my penis
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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