i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
