I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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