If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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