There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
