just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
