Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
