Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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