Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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