I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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