The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
