Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There's always time for handjobs
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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