I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize