I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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