If you die in college, do you die in real life?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize