lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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