hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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