I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
