They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
