My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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