he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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