o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
