so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
