your parents love me but you hate me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
