I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
