at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
