i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
