...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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