is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
