My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
