I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
