Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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