I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
