nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
