she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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