I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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