woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wear drunk well.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
