Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
