I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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