dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
