i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
