Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
