it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize