Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
