Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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