checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
