nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
